shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
