Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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