Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize