Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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