Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
