I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
