it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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