just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize