You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize