Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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