as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
