I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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