he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
