I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
