my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
