when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
