we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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