new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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