is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
