I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
