loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
