I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
