He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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