The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
