dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
