i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
