hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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