Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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