I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
