Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
