you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
