You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
