Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dick very happy bro
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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