Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
