Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
