I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
