i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
