you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
There's even glitter on my cock...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize