Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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