How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
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