I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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