There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
