She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I understand Curling. That high.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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