Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dick very happy bro
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
