you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
