Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
