News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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