I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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