I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
