its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
