Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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