If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Actions speak louder than pants.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
