He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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