The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
