i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
