I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
