Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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