What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize