I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
