We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
how drunk are you?
Several
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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