omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
