I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
