I just pynch a tree in the face
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
