Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
