i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
