I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
