im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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