stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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