Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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