he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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